meladoodle:

if i become a drug dealer i’m gonna say to my customers ‘now put THAT in your pipe and smoke it” and we’d all laugh and then i’d call the police because drugs are fucking illegal

(Source: meladoodle, via keepcalmandhaveunprotectedsex)

iseeavoice:

therainbowgorilla:

qalaba:

iseeavoice:

A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”


Vampire: “The fair is in town, maybe a date will help…”

human spends the whole time in the hall of mirrors

#AREYOUSERIOUS

WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.

(via you-dont-really-know-me-xo)

tsarbucks:

when someone asks if they can borrow your laptop for a second

image

(via gnarly)